i broke down and cried today .... since the last incident when i was 10 , when i lost my way in Ngee ang city 8 yrs ago ..... i had not cry tht bitterly so far in 8 yrs because of "fear" ....

today suppose to be a normal day for me , for my family ..... my dad took leave frm the office for the day ..... despite of some problems wif his company .....

we had a wonderful lunch and went paragon to shop till 4+ pm ..... dad decided to go to alexendar road to grab sth ..... so we left orchard ....

i noe my dad is working overseas .... ALONE .... i mean he's the sole bread winner of this family and i admit i sometimes took granted abt this matter ....
Along the way , my mum ask my dad when is he leaving for China again ??? then then started to argue ..... i was sitting beside my dad in the car .... the arguement became louder ..... i overheard of the contents of the arguement .... i was scared .... my heart was wretched and shatted at tht instance .... i dun noe wat to do .... but to stay quiet .... i hold my tears till i got home .... then i sat at a corner beside my bed in my room .... i was crying .... but there wasnt any tears .... but i knew im crying .....

during the arguement ... it really woke me up .... it shook me up and made me to stand firming into 1 decision i made earlier ...after receiving Sem 2 results .... i dun wana fail my dad .... i dun want to see him so stressful .....

his birthday is toward the end of this mth and im nt even sure when is his coming back to singapore for his birthday ....
i dun intend to have dinner tonight ... i dun intend to eat anything for tml .... im locked inside my room ... coz im really tht scare to hear them fight again .....

my voice & words @ 10:04 PM